An incident

Ok, here is what happened lately :

At Jan 4th, Valerie posted the following entry :

"
ICEMAN?! [04 Jan 2006|01:55am]
[ mood | complacent ]
[ music | pantera - walk ]

You scored as Iceman. Iceman is a very powerful but volitile X-man. His ego and reluctance to follow orders means that he often clashes with Cyclops. Despite being immature sometimes, he's very popular with the ladies and is an extremely powerful X-Man. Powers: Can lower the temperature in areas around him. Basically, he has a near limitless ability to freeze things and make massive amounts of ice.

Iceman

85%
Wolverine

85%
Rogue

80%
Jean Grey

70%
Nightcrawler

65%
Beast

65%
Emma Frost

65%
Cyclops

60%
Gambit

55%
Storm

50%
Colossus

40%

Most Comprehensive X-Men Personality Quiz 2.0
created with QuizFarm.com "

And therein, i posted the following comment :

"
Consequences, unmistakably


Valérie


Once more, here is your deal again, in short :

You can choose your " friends " . A bunch of utterly retarded soulless fucks who have done you nothing but harm.

CONSEQUENCES, inevitably : You stay sick. And get sicker over time. You NEVER, EVER get
True Love for Life. And stay in trouble, are bound for " misfortune " and so forth.
And probably even die early. Either of stomach perforation or Cancer, likely. And / or a Psychosis awaits you.
And then you leave a few crappy poems and the likes that speak mostly of what a sick, prepsychotic girl you have been.
And a SHITLOAD of lies about yourself online. A Life that was to a large extent built on lies
and delusions.
A Life that wasn' t YOURS, that made no sense, although you were SO close to turn it into one, thanks to my intervention here. And even worsened your Karma unecessarily in the end, which burdens you then in the next Reincarnation. Though this could have been your last one, fulfillment,
at last. All for some temporary " fun " and crap like that.
In the end, a total loss.

Or you choose me. Despite what the temporary " cost " may seem to you.

CONSEQUENCES : You get True Love for Life. The Love of a Twin Flame, unconditional, eternal,
yours with body and Soul forever. You get health and sanity. Confidence and trust, protection
as long as we live. Ecstasy beyond your wildest dreams. Your very own Destiny, each and any
career you are meant for. The fulfillment of your very own True Will, your purpose for existing.
Decide for yourself what THAT is in the end.


You HAVE to choose. I am NOT willing to accept a bunch of retarded fucks as friends who have
done us nothing but harm, on your own invitation or not. It is either THEM or ME.
It is all too obvious what you " choose " up to now, Valerie.


If you ask me, you have VERY strange ideas what a " good deal " is.



H.
"

After my comment, she received the following 2 comments in there :

"
red...
2006-01-04 10:34 am UTC (link)
You scored as Wolverine. Wolverine is a loner, and a skilled fighter. He's got the hots for Jean Grey but a better fit for him would be Storm. He doesn't like to follow orders which pisses Cyclops off. He has terrible memories from the experimentation done on him at Weapon X. Even though he doesn't show it, he loves the X-Men. Powers: Fast healing and adamantium skeleton and claws.

Rogue

85%
Wolverine

85%
Colossus

65%
Jean Grey

50%
Emma Frost

50%
Iceman

50%
Storm

50%
Beast

40%
Nightcrawler

35%
Gambit

35%
Cyclops

25%

Most Comprehensive X-Men Personality Quiz 2.0
created with QuizFarm.com


I thought I would be more like Kurt. Guess not.
(Reply to this)

"
man....
2006-01-05 04:10 am UTC (link)
with my luck, i'd probably end up being toad or sugar man



damn, you lucky sex bomb you "


The first one by " red... ", the second one by " man...".
There are no replies, obviously. But sometime later, about the next day or so, her
entry got edited with the following line :

" i scored equal Iceman and Wolverine...its sweet...sweet shit you know it... "


This is not typical for Valerie' s style. What had, respectively could have happened ?
It shall be noted, that she unscreened " man..." ' s comment several days
later, although it got posted on Jan 5th.
She had read my comment, obviously. And the useless crap posted by " red... "
and " man..."

One could say, for the first time since i began to post on Valerie' s journal, something
dawned on her. At least for a moment or so, it dawned on her WHAT kind of deal
she has gotten herself. My comment is UNMISTAKABLY clear.

Valerie' s " mood " for this entry is " complacent ". By all means, this is pathetic
and pitiful. If you get off on the result of an insignificant, useless crappy test, then you' ve
really got something to hide. And of course, this shows what a timewaster you are, that
you just don' t know what to do with your time at times.

In short, her " mood " in this entry denotes an illusionary / delusionary state of mind.
Once again, she has just managed to SUPPRESS what she really feels.
Valerie is NOT really happy, satisfied and content, neither with herself nor her Life.

More details on that later on and / or further below. Anyway, my comment showed her -
at least for a moment - what she REALLY wants from Life :

True Love and a Life that is meaningful.

And definitely not to deceive herself that the results of a crappy useless test would satisfy her,
when they VERY OBVIOUSLY don' t and cannot.

And her reaction shows this moment of truth very clearly. Originally, the line
" i scored equal Iceman and Wolverine...its sweet...sweet shit you know it... "
was meant to be a reply to " red..." ' s comment. It resembles what HE wrote, and
is not typical for Valerie' s style, like i said.
Usually, she is more quick- witted, tries to please and be " funny" , " creative " and " entertaining ".
But this line shows her rather dazed and affected. And of course, confused.

Reading my comment caused a contradictory reaction, a CONFLICT. The two parts
of her Being, the conscious mind and the subconscious mind, opposed each other,
contradicted each other, as it is typical for her.

She had realized for a moment, what her deal really is : She can deceive herself that what
she does and can get is what she wants, although it is VERY OBVIOUSLY not so,
or she can face the truth and get what she REALLY wants :

True Love, health and a meaningful Life.

She can deceive herself ( for how much longer ? ) that the results of an insignificant test
make her " complacent " ( oh yeah...truly something to live for ) and then writing equally
useless replies to the comments of VERY OBVIOUS timewasters and idiots is what she REALLY wants - or she can begin to face the truth. And then, and only then, get what she REALLY wants.

This moment of realization what her deal REALLY is caused this contradictory reaction,
almost something like a Freudian slip :

Her conscious mind decided to reply to " red..." ' s retarded and useless comment and decided
to ignore the obvious truth of MY comment, while her subconscious mind went with her
better judgement and decided against it.

The result was that she did reply to " red..." ' s comment, but didn' t dare to place it where a
reply belongs : right under the comment.
Instead, she sort of " slipped ", and her reply ended up in her entry, at the end of it.

When i noticed this, i felt compassion and pity temporarily. Really...poor sweetie.
Has to make do with illusions and delusions and substitutes instead of a meaningful Life.

But, of course, this is HER fault.

It took a long time then, up until Jan 19th, until Valerie posted her next entry.
And this was no " real " update, this is a test taken from Mike' s journal.
Which in itself tells enough.
More on THAT entry and what happened in there probably in my next entry.


Valerie KNOWS now what is on her spoon. She had felt it for a moment, though probably
just faintly, respectively short - lived, respectively in an " unconscious " way.

If she doesn' t dare to face the truth and at least BEGIN to come clean what she has
REALLY done to her and me, then the only alternatives are :

More illusion and delusion, more supression of what she really feels and wants
and more substitutes instead of what she really wants.


At least in the long run, this can drive her insane, into a Psychosis.